txt How to be a Good Lay with a Bad Back

Getting older is not for sissies. Neither is dating, menopause, marriage, shaving your legs, wearing shapewear, or trying to look sexy while your sciatic nerve is threatening legal action.

Welcome to How to Be a Good Lay with a Bad Back: Love, Laughter, and Other Positions Life Puts You In — the book for every woman whose mind still says, Oh yes, while her lower back says, I have reviewed the proposal and have concerns.

Written by Shandra Champagne for her mother-in-law, Jodeane “Jody” McCarty, this is not a sweet little guide to graceful aging.

Graceful aging can kiss our ass.

This is for the women standing in front of the freezer during a hot flash wondering who put Satan in charge of the thermostat.

For the woman who can remove her bra through one sleeve before the front door has completely closed.

For the woman who sneezes and immediately crosses her legs.

For the woman who spends twenty minutes shaving her legs for a date only to discover the man is still “technically separated,” lives with his ex, and has six dating-profile pictures — four of which involve fish.

Inside, we tackle the important questions nobody else is brave enough to ask.

Why can a grown man locate a deer from 200 yards away but not the mustard sitting directly in front of him?

Why does menopause move your waist, steal your sleep, set you on fire, and leave one black chin hair as a receipt?

Why does every man with a cold behave like the family should begin dividing his tools?

And why, after fifty, does romance require lipstick, reading glasses, ibuprofen, strategic pillows, and possibly a heating pad with an extension cord?

With 48 laugh-out-loud chapters and Jody’s 100 Best Pillow Talks, this book celebrates women who have survived periods, childbirth, bad boyfriends, marriage, menopause, dating apps, hot flashes, shapewear, low furniture, and men who say, “Calm down.”

You may be older.

Your knees may make noises.

Your bra may clock out at eight.

And your back may occasionally refuse to participate.

But honey—

you are still funny, still sexy, still dangerous, and definitely not dead yet.

Same woman. More mileage. Better stories. More pillows.